Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me
by LM22102
Summary: Oneshot for EmaniaHilel's challenge. Not a shipper, nor basher of BBxRae, but this is based on a relationship about them. Not necessarily romantic, but please read. I read fictions based on quality, not relationships! Serious themed. Rated M for violence.


Author Notes: Ages based on NEW TEEN TITANS, it's confusing, long story short, Gar(BB) is three years younger than everyone else. (In this story, BB's 16, Rae's 19) I apologize for them being out of character. It's just when I heard the challenge, I wanted this certain line, and the thought that came with it, was this. So please enjoy. Once again, I am not a direct shipper of bbxrae, nor am I a basher. I appreciate couples aslong as it's a good story. Do enjoy. Miss Em, this is for you.

Rated M for Mature themes present.  
Fiction © 2006 LM22102  
Teen Titans © DC Comics  
Title © U2 Song  
Challenge Inspired by EmaniaHilel  
One-shot. Will not continue. It is done.

**Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me**

"Beastboy?"

Raven only got a nod in response as her bedroom door swished closed and they turned to each other. A year ago, she would have been looking him straight in the eye without a problem, now, she had to look up.

Somehow she knew he would come tonight. He always came in the late hours, when everyone is asleep, that was the only time. And she was always here. Always ready, for friendship, for love, for comfort, he knew she would be here.

"You look more green than usual, don't tell me you tried eating grass again." Humor was evident in her voice as she walked toward her bed.

She suddenly stopped in her step, and turned around, worry across her face, "Did you have another night terror?"

Beastboy followed behind, unusually timid, "No, but.." He paused as he watched her nod and sit down on her bed.

Raven raised her brows with a small nod for him to continue.

He stepped in front of her, looking down. "No, but I'm wondering about some things." His face was quiet, he was in that thinking mode, she thought. 'Scary.' She joked inwardly.

"Oh? Pray tell, about what?" She watched as he took her hands in his and nimbly played with her fingers.

Beastboy sighed and crouched down, still holding her hands, he laid his forehead on her knees.

A moment passed.

Raven stared down at his green tuff of hair as he stilled. Sometimes she wondered how he could be so carefree and happy in the tower, especially offering words of victory in the face of battle when they haven't even begun fighting. And when he would get hurt, or cut, he would never let her heal him. He would just whine a bit and laugh it off, saying he could heal himself. But he always came back. Back to her.

The corner of the empath's mouth turned up a little as she felt him wiggle his head side to side, rubbing his head into her knees.

"..Garfield."

A mumble rippled through her legs.

Raven's brow rose, "What?"

He brought his head up, staring at her. How beautiful she looked right now. He watched as she smiled, ever so little at him. Something inside him stirred. What was this? What did he feel earlier.. when..

Beastboy, no, this was Garfield, in his superman pants and batman tshirt, spoke quietly, but not shyly, he whispered, staring directly in her eyes; "Do you love me?"

Raven blinked, her smile fading for a moment. The last time he had this tone of voice was when he told her about his parents, he was so silent, so small then. That was when it began. Their late night rendevous, sometimes after he woke up in a sweat with nightmares hanging over him, or simply wanting to talk, he would silently go to her room. Beastboy never told the other teammates, and Raven saw no reason to.

Though, she wasn't surprised by the question, but his voice, yes, he asked odd questions all the time, but she couldn't quite pinpoint the emotion. Sure, she was an empath, but she learned to respect Garfield and not to touch in his emotions.

Beastboy continued to look at her, he wasn't surprised at her hesitation, she was probably thinking. He could wait.

"Yes."

"What way?"

Raven only smiled and gingerly took her hands from his and sat back, scooting so that she was in the middle of her bed. "In what way.." She hmm'ed and laid down, her head falling on her pillow.

There was a shift on the bed and she felt his arms around her waist and a heavy weight on her chest.

Raven's hands unconciously went to his head, playing with his hair.

They were like this for a while, the moonlight through the windows beside the bed being the only illumination.

"Do you love him more than me?"

Raven looked down at the boy in her arms, he could be so.. young at times. Of course, he was only sixteen. What she meant was that she felt like he was such a boy sometimes. Just.. searching. Wanting things he couldn't have, making jokes to hide his pain, crying to her when he woke from nightmares.

She felt it, yes, his sadness washed over her as silence ensued. She gave no expression as her eyes traveled back to the ceiling, her fingers just sitting on his head.

He saw them, she thought. Was that the meaning behind the look he had given her?

"Why didn't I feel your presence then?" Her monotone gone, and only softness remained.

Raven felt him sigh, "I don't know."

_Earlier that day;_

"_How utterly beautiful you look today." She felt two arms wrap around her body and chin on her shoulder._

_Raven rolled her eyes, not at all surprised at his flirtatious nature. "If you continue touching me, Wallace, I **will** hurt you."_

_Kid Flash laughed as he let go of her and made to stand beside her, his body facing her. "Let's go out."_

_Raven kept her eyes on the setting sun. "We **are** out."_

"_No, I mean, like a date."_

"_Why in the free world, would I do that?"_

"_Because I'm fast, smart, and very handsome." He wiggled his eyesbrows for effect._

_Raven then turned to him, her arms folded against her chest. "The first one, yes, I can agree. The second, I'm doubting that right this second, and the third, I'm absolutely positive that you are indeed wrong on that."_

"_Oh!" Kid Flash grabbed his chest in mock pain with a pout of his lips, "You sure know how to pain a man's heart." _

_Raven only raised a brow at this, "Did you need something from me Wallace?"_

_With that, he grinned, his 'pain' gone, "Yes! Let's eat out, the others are having some sort of flubber thing the green one made for them. Let's escape while we still can."_

"_Oh?"_

"_Yeah, let's see-" He paused, lifting his hand to his chin, and lifting his eyes to the sky, "Paris, Mexico, Italy, Japan, New York." Kid Flash brought his eyes to her, "We could of course head to Fiji, get you in a little bikini and eat their wondrous aphrodisiacs."_

"_I'll pass, thank you."_

_Kid Flash chuckled, "Damn, do you not have fun at all? And here I was thinking of transferring to Titans East, I bet they're wild."_

_Something flashed in her eyes. _

"_Did you ask Robin?" Deadpanned._

"_Huh? Ask him what?"_

"_If we could go out."_

_He was taken by complete surprise. "You mean you'll actually come?"_

"_Why not. I'm starving."_

_Raven started to walk towards the roof door. She paused in her step and turned around, still to a shocked Kid Flash. "How you do expect we get to Fiji?"_

_If Kid Flash was animated, his jaw would have dropped to the floor. He quickly ran, stopping shortly in front of her, her cape flying upward for second from the sudden rush. "I could grab you and make a run for it." He grinned, "Wanna do a test run?"_

_Before she could say no, Kid Flash lifted her in his arms and made a quick dash around the tower's roof, he stopped at the same spot where he began and gently put her back on the ground._

"_Raven?" _

_Her hands were clutched at his shoulders and her head was bowed down. She looked up, "If you ever try that once more, I will make it so that you can never walk, less run, **ever** again."_

_Kid Flash nervously smiled as he scratched his head, "Maybe you can teleport us."_

"_Of **course**, I was going to teleport us, you dimwit."_

"_Then, why did you ask?"_

"_I wanted to see if you had anything planned." She frowned, "And you don't. You just have an idea."_

"_Yep." That cocky grin of his plastered on his face._

_Raven simply rolled her eyes as she lifted her arms in the air, both persons disappearing in black shadow._

_Once they were gone, Beastboy stepped from behind the roof door with a hurt look on his face, a picnic basket in his hands._

_-_

Raven felt him move from his posistion. She turned to look at him as his head hovered hers, his elbow beside her shoulder, supporting him.

Beastboy moved his right hand to to caress her neck, he stared down at her. "_I_love you."

Raven inhaled sharply. Did he really? The way he said it, it seemed he loved her _romantically._ He said it a few times, but never like this. He came to her in times of needs, she knew this, but.. he loved her? She was only his comforter at times. But this..

She watched as Beastboy lowered his face towards her, his lips hovering over hers for a second before moving to gently kiss the side of her lips.

An invitation. He always did this, he would kiss her once. Only once. He asked that way. And if she didn't do anything, that was his permission.

She hesitated. His revelation of love made her doubt if she should accept him tonight. In _this_ kind of way. She didn't want to lead him on. It was made clearly that everytime he was in her room, he was there only for comfort.. never love. Sometimes, they spent the night _together, _but it was only that. The night.

Raven blinked to find him staring down at her, waiting. She whispered, she had to know, "Do you _love_ me?"

She drawled out the word love, searching his eyes. Her fingers tangled in his hair. She felt his hand stop caressing her neck.

Garfield spoke quietly, surely, yet slowly, "I love you the way the world needs to spin to survive." He lowered his face closer, "The way the moon needs her stars to see," His forehead touched hers, "And the way I need _you_ to live."

He kissed her then. So soft, still asking, his lips captured hers, but only for a moment.

Raven watched as he lifted his head once again, she didn't know what to do. She heard him again.

"_But only if you love me."_

She wasn't thinking, all she could see was this broken boy in front of her, and all she wanted to do was to ease him of his pain. Raven drew her hands from his hair and brought them to his neck, "I do."

_..But did she really? The way he did her?_

She lifted her head and kissed him.

-

Tonight was different, he wasn't needy, he wasn't aggressive, he was almost.. _loving._

Raven inwardly frowned as she thought about this. She turned to the sleeping boy beside her, his hair in an array of messiness, his emerald back exposed to the night air, the sheets only covering his bottom. He hugged the pillow to his head as he slept, his mouth partially open.

She turned and got up from the bed. Raven shivered as her nude body was extracted from its bed of warmth. She grabbed the robe on her dresser drawer as she made her way to her bathroom.

-

Raven looked at herself in the mirror, an armless, shoulder-less leotard adorned her nineteen year old figure. It was a few hours after midnight. 'Still got time to sleep.' She thought.

She found him turned on his back when she returned, his torso built and formed. Superman pants on his legs. 'Looks like he put on some clothes while I was dressing..' She gently crawled on the bed and brought the sheets to cover his chest.

Raven sat there, staring at him, her hand on his chest, the sheet still in her fingers. She whispered her thoughts outloud as she watched him sleep. Then, lowered herself and dreamt herself.

As she slept, Garfield opened his eyes slightly and looked at at her. He closed them and went to sleep.

-

Some time in the middle of the night, she had awoken to a mixure of feelings wafting off him. She knew he was awake, she knew he was staring at her, yet she refused to open her eyes. Then she felt a sudden rush of jealousy and fingers around her throat.

Raven calmly opened her eyes to stare at Beastboy above her, he straddled her waist, she was surprised she didn't feel that. But what she noticed the most, was the tears brimming in his eyes.

His face was contorted in pain, and in sadness.

She only stared at him, with the apathy she was known for, as his fingers closed tightly around her neck.

Drops of his tears fell on her cheeks, as he spoke, his lips trembling, "Do you love me?"

Oh.. the pain. His pain drowned her. Confusion, anger, sadness, regret. Though, she only stared at him. She felt his fingers around her throat, felt her airway being closed, felt the physical pain, but she wasn't afraid. All she could see was this sobbing boy above her.

She had noticed earlier when his hands wrapped around her, that they were thicker than usual, and his fingernails turned into claws. This was his beast. His inner demon. But it had only transformed through his arms.

Beastboy's claws grew as he trembled, its sharp nails slightly digging into her throat and drawing blood.

"Why don't you love-" his eyes screwed shut, "..me?

...Am I real? Is this real? You're not here, are you? You're always somewhere else.

This pain.. it hurts.. so much. I can't control myself.. when I close my eyes, all I see is you and him. I- I don't want that. I want you, and only you."

He opened his eyes, more tears falling on her face, he rasied his voice slightly, "But you won't give me you!"

Raven could feel her strength leave her as she struggled to lift an arm. She didn't want to use her powers. This was his battle. He needed to fight it.

His shoulders shook as he shut his eyes again, tears running down his cheeks, and hung his head, his fingers tightening. "If you can't love me.. The world will continue to spin.. the moon with her stars.. and I will live.. without you.. So... Let the world turn without you tonight.."

Her earlier words whispered through his head as he cried, _'I love you as a mother, with the need to care and nuture you.. I love you as a friend, with the need to be with you and protect you.. And I love you as a lover, with nights like these, you are one with me.'_

He mumbled as her throat constricted to receive air, "A mother.. a friend.. a lover.. but only at night.. why don't you lov-" he froze as he opened his eyes to find her right hand on the side of his head, holding him, but her face showed no emotion.

She couldn't help herself, she wanted so badly to help him, if only she could touch him, before she ran out of time. Her hand had trembled when she struggled to lift it up from the bed, an oxygen deprived arm is useless.

His mouth opened slightly as his tears continued to stream down, her hand slid down from the side of his forehead, only to caress his cheek, and then slowly to his chin. Her hand fell from his face and back to the bed.

A nose filled the air as his arms reverted back to normal and his nails shrinking back to size. He slowly lifted his hands from her throat, his fingers slightly sticky from blood.

Raven only stared at him.

Garfield's shocked face contorted and he lowered his head to her chest, as his body convulsed with sobs, his hands clutching at her shoulders. "I'm so sorry, Raven, I'm sorry." He spoke, her chest wet with tears, "I'm so sorry..so sorry.. please.."

There were so many nights like these, when he would sob in her arms and apologize. But he never asked for forgiveness. Not when he told her how he could have saved his parents, or when he turned into Beast and attacked Robin, nor when he broke into her mind. Not once, not ever.

_And yet, every time he would cry, she would hold him. She would wrap her arms around him and simply hold him together._

_She did not right now. Not tonight._

"..Please forgive me.. Raven.. please.."

**_Finis._**

_OMFGWTFBBQ! ISH LYKE RAE DEAD!  
(I beg of you, do not say that.) _**__**

_Also a one-shot! It is complete, done, finished!_**_  
_**

_This is what I thought; 'Let the world turn without you tonight.'  
I immediately thought 'death' so.. Haha. Yeah.  
I wanted to protray a relatioship between Raven and Beastboy  
based on Comforter and Needer. Or something like that, how else do I word it?  
Eh, but.. yes, finally finished, took me a few days to get the idea in my head, and  
a few hours to write it completely._

_Ah.. and please don't ask me if she's dead. It can go both ways. I made it that way.  
I'm bad. Deal with it. Lol._

_There's an explanation on Wally and Raven's relationship and how  
something had flashed through her when he joked of leaving. Its not really relevant to know  
to read this story, but if you're comic savvy, then yay, you should understand._

_If you're confused about his.. choking. I got the idea off NGE. I know, yeah, un original right?  
But only the the choking part, haha, but only BB's arms had turn to 'beast form' it was like  
he couldn't control it or something, whatev._

_Lol, I apologize Miss Em, if there isn't much 'Raven' in it._

_But do please tell me how it was, none the less._

_I hoped to anyone, you had enjoed it. To my fellow readers too._

_Thank you._


End file.
